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| David Weir, Tom Brooks, Alan Lance - Fall 2022 |
For the past several years, the third Saturday of January has been reserved for VEX IQ robotics competitions here in Forsyth County, Georgia. I’m currently in my 7th year as the Engineering Teacher at Liberty Middle School and the dedicated VEX IQ coach.
Last year’s competition involved the second worst phone call of my entire life.
I received a call that my dear friend, my lifelong friend, my best friend since 8th grade, was missing. He had left his home, left his wife and daughter at home, on what was usually just another Saturday morning coffee/breakfast run… and was gone for far too long.
After much panicking and desperation, I got that horrible phone call. My best friend had been found and he had taken his own life.
Damn it.
I had know Alan Lance since 8th grade. We had met in 8th grade Georgia History class under the aged instruction of one Blanche Bomar at Morrow Junior High, way back in the mid 1970’s. I was a basically unpopular weirdo and Alan was a chunky unpopular weirdo. We were meant to be best friends.
A common love of comic books and science fiction cemented our friendship. Alan actually introduced me to this odd paperback that he picked up in 1976 involving some movie that was coming out the following year. Something called Star Wars. We saw the first… and the last Star Wars movies together.
The MCU arrived with Iron Man in 2008 and our mutual love of comic books had come to life. There were no bad MCU movies. Some were great. Some were… meh…. But they represented our love of comics come to life and they were, maybe flawed at times, still a helluva' lot of fun.
I need to pause a bit and go back and reflect along this nearly 48 year old friendship between Alan and myself and the friends that joined us in our journey together.
Alan introduced me to two of his friends, David and Joe Weir, brothers from across the street. David was one year higher than Alan and I, while Joe was one year below us. It didn't really take too long before we all became close friends, the "fab four" of sorts.
Alan, David, and Joe had been members of the Masonic organization for young men, the Order of DeMolay. We shared some amazing, wild adventures during our time together. We all went on two different graduation trips, one after David graduated high school and then one the next year after Alan and I graduated. Myrtle Beach and Panama City Beach, but I don't really recall which came first.
Eventually, life and growing up began to take hold. No more cruising up and down Hwy 54 from Morrow to Forest Park. Fewer and fewer trips to the local Putt Putt or assorted midnight movies. We did lots of dumb stuff in our teenaged years, but none that ever involved law enforcement, so that was good.
Our popularity with females was tentative at best. There were always the Rainbow Girls, the girls organization supported by the Masons and the Eastern Star. No serious relationships ever developed.
Finally... girlfriends showed up. Joe actually introduced me to a young lady who would become my lovely wife of these past 38+ years. Slowly but surely, we all found girlfriends and we all got married. And our lives continued to drift apart.
Whenever we did have a chance to reconnect, it was like little time had passed and we were, again, the "fab four".
Alan and I remained fairly close for many years, but there were times, when years had passed and we barely spoke. But when we did, it was an easy and comfortable reconnection.
Alan's first marriage ended and he later married a wonderful woman, with whom they produced an amazing daughter, much to Alan's 40+ year old surprise!
My wife and I eventually moved up to the north side of Atlanta and were actually a little closer to easier meetups with Alan. Our 'grab a beer' meetups or movie nights were always relaxed. We'd talk about silly stuff for a while, Marvel movies, Star Wars stuff. We'd talk about family and work. Alan always seemed a bit self deprecating, sometimes poking fun at himself somewhat humorously.
But there were deeper issues with Alan that I had somehow missed over our decades long friendship. We were close, but not close enough for me to realize that he was struggling.
I have since learned of some of what Alan was putting himself through and it wasn't pretty. For want of a better term, he had some demons preying on his soul. And I never knew until it was too late. Depression, low self esteem, medical issues, not wanting to be a burden. But the pain that he may have thought that he would be freeing his family from isn't gone, it is only transferred into a wholly different and more devastating pain.
The date when Alan ended his life was January 21, 2023, which is now a Sunday in 2024. While that will still hurt every year, the third Saturday of January will always resonate most with me. Maybe he planned it specifically for that Saturday morning, I'm not sure. There's too many missing pieces to the mystery of my friend that I will never know.
As I write this one year out, there's still intense sadness and loss. There's also fading anger... at him, at his family, at myself... but that's just destructive and pointless.
David Weir, our dear friend along this amazing journey, dropped everything and came from California for Alan's memorial service. We tried to make some sense of it, but there really was none to be found.
David summed things up the best:
"I don't think we'll ever really understand. The best I'm hoping for is to not have the end of this proverbial two-hour movie color my memory of how enjoyable was its' first one hour and 59 minutes."
Tough to get past that last minute on this third Saturday of January, but I'll work on it, one day at a time.
I've got a long day ahead of me, cheering on my students as they strive for a spot at the Robotics State Championship.
When I get home, I'll pour myself a glass of whiskey and raise a toast to my dear friend, Alan Lance.
I miss you, my friend.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fears
Wish you were here"
*if you or someone you know, is struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, please, please, please... reach out to someone.
